Speechless bout my performance today. or maybe theres just too much of emotions stirred within, it hurts too much to evaluate in this very night..Still remember the hype and excitment which kept me up on bed for an hour plus last night.. i cleaned my boots, rewatched e Sing Opens 08 dvd, got so fired up by Seiji's fake i spent a good half hour practicing my pivots. Fell asleep with a whole heart to strike, dump, fake, assist like how i did on thursday's training. Patience for 100% passes, nice swings, effective fakes, i swear im surprised by how well i handled.
But freak! everything went so wrong today. its like back to square one, denying everything i thought i'd learnt. nothing much different from how useless i portrayed myself 4 months ago at GHS.
i really dont know wat was on my mind. i tried to forgive myself for e 4 throw-aways when SIM cupped. but its just hard to chin up when you know that 4 drops cost SPU crucial points, to the extend MJ have to decide to use only the guys for remaining points. self condemn, fear for disc built up for e next match, perhaps so i've not much of impression playing against NYP. they say u should never dwell on ur mistakes and treat every point with a new spirit. i fail to succeed it till e final match. now im full of regrets, having a bad night groaning how much a loser i am, why din i come to assist when they need help, why should i show myself as such useless being in the game when i've been doing pretty well in trainings. Joel sure hit that right this morning.
i wish you'd tell me how u feel, have i denied your trust.. or perhaps it didnt even cross your heart. but that pat on my shoulder before the matches telling me i can do it was everything i needed to start the morning..
